Truly Bohemian in Malaysia

My new blog

2005-09-27T05:52:00.000+08:00

If you're interested follow this link to my new blog.

You've been in Malaysia too long when...

2005-07-28T17:20:00.000+08:00

Well, it's soon going to be over and so I thought I might try to put together one last post here. Suggestions are welcome as it's by no means definitive ("You've been in X way too long when you can't come up with a single point for You've been in X too long when..."). Here it comes:

1. You've got a variety of lah, mah, meh, lor etc. in your lexicon and use them consistently.

2. You pop in a shopping mall just because 'they have aircon in there.'

3. You're outraged when they increase the price of petrol from RM1.40 to RM1.50 (~EUR0.33).

4. You always have a packet of Premier tissues on you.

5. You forgot why piracy is supposed to be bad when it's apparent how good it is.

6. You don't care about red lights any more...

7. ... and then you ask 'Can you help me?' when a police officer approaches you.

8. Your local friends complain they can't get any pork at their university and you fully understand.

9. You moan about when Roti Canai comes for RM0.60 when it used to be just RM0.50.

10. You no longer believe that “tall, DARK and handsome” is a collocation.

See also You've been in Korea too long when...

Rainbow over mountains

2005-07-25T20:34:00.000+08:00

I started reading up on Borneo and Mt.Kinabalu and something extraordinarily big started growing in me. I'm asking myself. Why climb? People traditionally believed there are gods on top of mountains and it may be that to climb a mountain is to get that glimpse of God. To conquer the world and at the same time to realize how tiny and vulnerable we are.

I owe a lot to Malaysia as I've become a believer here. It's hard though to steer clear of any anguish after I've got such deep 'stabs of Joy'. Fion gave me a wonderful present and wrote to me that it's often hard to see the rainbow but we have to believe it's up there. This metaphor must be the crux of faith for any believer but an inner voice has me weep asking: “We long for the rainbow but aren't the clouds, the haze, the scorching sun, the rainstorms, the rainbow... aren't they, or aren't we part of the very same thing?”

I'm soon going to climb Mt.Kinabalu to get closer to the rainbow... and the mist, and the rain and the sunrise for that matter.

Love & Gratitude

2005-07-18T18:36:00.000+08:00

'It makes you wonder, doesn't it? If thoughts can do that to water, imagine what our thoughts can do to us.'

This was a singularly powerful line from What the Bleep Do We Know!? - a spellbinding documentary I was watching the other Friday night in Alor Setar after having gone through my regular round of early morning expectations, noon anguish, afternoon joy and evening enlightement:

Interview with Masaru Emoto

我愛你

2005-07-10T13:52:00.000+08:00

Blind

2005-07-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

One thing I didn't blog about despite its significance is my recent visit to St Nicholas Home for the Blind. I greatly appreciate the meaning of putting myself in someone else's shoes and always look for such opportunities. Hence I was glad I could at last attend the programme.

First, we got some training on guiding the blind and then practiced the skills with blindfolds on the way to a nearby shopping mall (incidentally, what's the British English equivalent for 'shopping mall'?). After that, we had a short session interacting with some severely handicapped children.

The boy on the picture was pretty amazing because his only means of communication was his hands.

Like myself? I think not

2005-07-06T13:31:00.000+08:00

Nothing, I suspect, is more astonishing in any man's life than the discovery that there do exist people very, very like himself.

-- C.S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy

Well, what doesn't cease to astonish us here is that people can be and, in fact, are different from us in great many ways. I think it teaches a lesson that we should tolerate, or rather celebrate the difference and the diversity.

Guns in Thai schools

2005-07-06T00:29:00.000+08:00

It's always sad to read about the situation in southern Thailand, which is so close from where we are. The latest move by the Thai government however seems to be alarming and I can't but suspect that it won't bring peace where it's so badly needed.

BBC: Thai teachers to be allowed guns

Modesty turned vice?

2005-07-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

I think we've managed to heal the rift between me and my boss. I mentioned here before that I may have not demanded enough while his point of view is that whenever I demanded something I got it. In all fairness, I must admit it's true to the extent that, as he put it, 50% is his responsibility, 50% rests on AIESEC shoulders so he fulfilled 30% out of his part (very smart actually) and gave every now and then a little more.

My attitude for the whole traineeship has been one of self-sacrifice and modesty as I gave up lots from my needs and my own culture and accepted local way of doing things. That means, by the way, I don't wait for green lights and cut it short through one-way streets...

It hurt and confused me a lot though when new trainees came and started to criticise me that because I hadn't complained they couldn't change anything either. All of a sudden, I was the one to blame for lots of things and the low point really was when after a series of accusations I heard that the Czech Republic after all is the only country in Europe that has problems with gypsies...

Well, I've been thinking a lot about all this and I already admitted that I should've been perhaps more assertive at times but on the other hand, modesty surely doesn't turn vice because someone can't put up with as little as I could?

You've been in Korea too long when...

2005-07-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

Another brilliant post from Sarin Miso

15. You have a black belt in 'paper, scissors, stone'.

14. You've had kimchi stew for breakfast, kimchi fried rice for lunch, kimchi dumplings for dinner, and yet you still reach for the kimchi side dish each time.
13. You've eaten pig's feet, ox tail, dog, silk worms or a live baby octopus.

12. A roll of toilet paper on the dinner table no longer phases you.

11. You catch yourself using Konglish words with your non-Korean friends.

10. A motorbike drives up the pavement [sidewalk] towards you and instead of jumping aside you refuse to move out of the way on principle.

09. You've broken up a street fight of drunken businessmen.

08. You hate Japan for no apparent reason.

07. You start wearing a surgical mask in winter.

06. You make a midnight munchies run for shrimp crisps [chips] and pre-packaged kimbap triangles.

05. The loudspeakers on the trucks driving in your neighbourhood don't wake you up.

04. You go to a "Western" restaurant and can't seem to use a knife and fork.

03. You've purchased something while riding the subway.

02. You find yourself on toothbrush row in the office toilets [washroom] after every meal.

01. You stop and stare unabashedly when you see a foreigner, forgetting you're a foreigner too.

I wish you became a Jesus

2005-07-02T21:32:00.000+08:00

I got myself one of those little books that children usually pass round their friends asking for a picture and their address. I want to have something personal that would remind me back home of the precious time I've spent with my students. Amelia&Delia were, of course, among the first I asked last week and I got the book back today with this sentence from Delia:

I wish you became a Jesus.

System theory in practice

2005-07-02T20:40:00.000+08:00

The system theory has it that esentially everything is a system. No wonder then that the globe or rainforests, for example, are often referred to as eco-systems. Countries, firms, families – these are all institutionalized systems. As with critical thinking, though, people vary in the degree to which they are able to perceive systems and the patterns and relationships operating within. This ability is closely linked to one's knowledge and experience but there is also something which I would call willingness and determination to leave simplicity behind and step into the high complexity and ambiguity of such systems.

Did you notice, for example, that Japan and other pro-whaling nations were beaten hands down at the IWC meeting in Korea two weeks ago? Then, you might have a good perception of the global eco-system. You may admire the beauty of whales but more importantly, you are likely to acknowledge the importance of these creatures and appreciate the struggle to protect them as a symbol for other much less low-profile fights.

Previously, I touched on how I suffered throughout my childhood. I did not mention however that it was in large part a silent suffering. Once I reached the age when children start to revolt, our family, from my point of view, had already had enough problems and so I didn't want to cause more and accepted “Speech is silver, but silence is golden” as my own motto. I never spoke up against things I thought unfair and, in effect, resorted to a solution which started to impinge on my personal development - certainly not rare a phenomenon of many less fortunate families. On the up side though, unconsciously though it may have been, I did it to help preserve the system when it might possibly have been on the brink of collapse. In other words, at that age already I could perceive the system.

Now I painfully realize how I have developed this into one bad habit and perpetuated it up till now when the organization is falling apart here. We would certainly make an excellent case study for any organizational behaviour analyst. I noted before that I don't know how to stand up for my own rights but I would always try to stand up for the others. That is not healthy at all. My glass of patience has been filled up to the very rim and I started to feel there is something unfair. Clearly, as the most senior teacher I played my own part in all this mess but when my fellows started to threat with ultimatums in order to get benefits for themselves and the boss gave in I couldn't but start to wonder as to the meaning of such a message. I was afraid that silence ceased to be golden for me...

I brought up this issue with him and his elder brother and what I got in return may well be the most valuable personal and cultural lesson so far. I believe my boss sincerely, like me after all, did not know he could have managed things differently. He did not always try his best but that would be a different story. I came to realize my crying for fairness would have been very untimely as it would have only killed the relationship. I could see the boss deeply hurt and acting in 'black and white mode'. That is where Chinese culture came in. I conciously decided to bite my tongue since I was also aware that any short term profit would not make me happy at all. What makes me happy is working for the big idea and that I will try to continue. For obvious reasons though, this attitude does not seem to earn much appreciation, especially from those who are not aware as much of systems and so are not ready to sacrifice anything. One of the most brilliant articles I know about such people is War x 4 by George Monbiot.

As ever, of course, it is a matter of how one can balance things. When it is appropriate to defend your rights and when it is better to stay silent in order to let things run smooth and make a sacrifice for the sake of something bigger than yourself. Could you possibly picture someone who, fully aware of the global overpopulation, decides to take care of orphans rather than conceive their own children?

The meaning of poverty

2005-06-22T00:44:00.000+08:00

During my 2-day visa hop to Singapore I met a bunch of trainees there and I was amazed by the luxury in which they live. The condo apartments alone would make my dream home. On the way back to Malaysia I had plenty of time on the bus to let my thoughts roam and while I was thinking of the grace which makes one decide to go there and another one over here I was reminded of the meaning of poverty. Poverty strips people off to the bones and tries them hard and that is precisely when true characters may emerge. This is not to say we experience any sort of poverty here but have definitely a closer feel of it. That is why my relationship with the other trainee is so bad. Our true characters emerged and we painfully realize how immature, individualistic and selfish we are.

On second thoughts, the beautiful apartment in which I stayed overnight would not actually at all make my home. Home, to me, is fulfilled heart and peace of mind and I feel I'm slowly getting there.

Education in Malaysia

2005-06-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

I've just come across an insightful blog on education in Malaysia. There's lots of intriguing stuff on how non-bumiputras struggle for equal opportunity in education.

Women are like apples on a tree

2005-06-20T21:17:00.000+08:00

The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of getting hurt. So instead, they just take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy to get... The apples at the top of the tree think there's something wrong with them, when, in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along - one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top.

Men, on the other hand, are like a fine wine.

They begin as grapes... and it's up to women to stomp on them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Via Sarin Miso

Critical thinking

2005-06-19T19:04:00.000+08:00

Critical thinking is unanimously accepted as a virtue as far as personal development is concerned. Clearly, some people are able to employ critical thinking more often than others. Take this example. I got an email the other day from a friend warning against ACE - a mobile phone virus. I checked it out, replied that it was just a hoax and gave her a link where she could find more information on the background of this hoax. This was her reaction:

Woh, where you get this valueable info. Thanks

Considered how successful this kind of hoax is on the internet I suspect critical thinking is an issue worth exploring for the society. Some even say critical thinking should be a way of life. Personally, I have to disagree. In social situations I'm often struggling as I try to suppress much of my critical thinking in order to nurture the relationship.

Lighten up

2005-06-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

I guess this blog seems to be, like its author, a bit too serious and hard-going at times. Let's go over to Language Hat then and lighten up over some cursing and swearing. Hilarious!

Is this the manhood?

2005-06-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

I've just had a late-night 2-hour talk with my boss and this was truly a memorable thing so I need to put down a few things so that it stays here whenever I need it.

Things here came to a head lately. I had a hideous argument with one of my fellow AIESEC trainees and a few hours later on I realized what a good purpose it served. I suppose only then did she fully realize how unhappy she'd been here and so she faced the boss with an ultimatum: you raise my pay or I quit.

I was appalled by the way she did it since I believe that no matter how hard we're tried we must not resort to uncivilised behaviour. At this point, however, I must finally admit two things. I am very demanding because I've got extremely high standards (most likely only in some respects) for myself and I consciously or unconsciously expect the same from others. On top of that, all this while here with other trainees I've been harder on them than on the boss. I mean, before I came I knew the school was in a mess, the situation with my predecessor had been very bad as she said she would've skipped the whole thing had she known what she was in for. I could see her being a little one-sided though and I promised myself I would try my best to be as open as possible and most importantly, give the boss a chance to learn. I was committed to this promise so much that I probably forgot to give ample opportunity to my fellow trainees as well. Here and now, I want to acknowledge their point of view as they complain so often about how I set up things here.

This acknowledgment, on the other hand, must come hand in hand with another one. Being aware we are taught modesty is a virtue and my great great-aunt would bash me for this, I believe I must acknowledge that in certain ways I'm exceptionally talented (in some other ways I'm badly lacking, of course) and this makes me exceptionally successful. I also must acknowledge that I've got a great capacity to bear suffering and this is mainly due to two things I suppose. First, it's the fact that I suffered quite a bit throughout my childhood to my adolescent years and second, that I've found my faith. I study Christianity and Buddhism and in both suffering is presumed to have enormous meaning and is often, as far as I understand it, treated as a gift of a sort:

The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity - even under the most difficult circumstances - to add a deeper meaning to his life. He may remain brave, dignified, and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man either to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not.

Viktor Frankl, via Daily Dig

Finally, I've got this inner drive or passion to be a change agent, I strive to perfect myself as well as my surroundings but I often forget to take account of how others feel about it. I often find myself challenging others' world views and putting them in a different perspective to such an extent that I forget to listen well. I want them to learn by questioning the very basics of their beliefs and opinions? This I realize is unbearable pressure for most.

I feel so good now about the talk because I believe that at last some crucial learning took place there. I was trying to argue that the school should by no means take on more AIESEC trainees because they immediately find themselves too dependent, and consequently very vulnerable. Since AIESEC is too far and too silent and invisible in our daily lives and the boss has no tangible power distance from us, whatever problems the trainees face, he ends up dealing with them too. It is no fair for either party to land up in such difficult and painful situations and I managed to reason that the boss should see it this way.

I think it's obvious that the organization as a whole is sick and I'm slowly coming to realize my part in it. During the talk I suggested that it's been actually sick even during those days of blooming success but it only emerged when female trainees came since they are, for safety issues alone, much more dependant than their male counterparts. This sickness, however, may be closely related to that of AIESEC. There is no working partnership between the three parties involved. For all the big words, I suspect, AIESEC sometimes forget the little things that often make the whole difference. But then again, what would you expect from a bunch of students who volunteer for a fanciful vision? Most of the time I've been just plain grateful that I got this opportunity at all.

Anyway, AIESEC is supposed to be a platform for developing leaders and I think it works that way tremendously. Leaders are not as much born as they are forged and so the only thing I can say about leadership for sure is that it's something extremely difficult that doesn't come without a continuous and conscious effort. The rest might be just a wild guess but I'll have a shot at it anyway. I presume a leader must be..

.. prepared to face enormous expectations from others and put their needs before hers,
.. selfless and generous without expecting much from others as individuals because her rewards are often intangible and tightly bound to the unseen whole,
.. extremely open and able to deal with a high degree of uncertainty,
.. able to listen well to others, and more importantly to her own heart,
.. accountable to others, and more importantly to her own conscience.

Come to think of it though, I'm not too sure if I don't confuse leaders with men:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling, If

Teaching pronunciation

2005-06-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

I've been reading up recently on teaching pronunciation and it opened up a whole new world to me. During the past to weeks I managed to look at sentence stress, strong and weak forms and elision with some of my classes. That's alone a great improvement because I increasingly treat pronunciation as an integral part of my classes. Moreover, I'm getting able to explain things when they crop up.

Two examples worth remembering. First, I was watching part of Notting Hill with an upper intermediate student (he's been in that class on his own for some 2 months now) and told him then to pick a line from the film and transcribe it for me in the IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet). He picked

'The guinea fowl is proving more difficult than expected.'

and it gave me a further opportunity to work on sentence stress and how the words are linked together. I focused on 'than expected' and rather than using the IPA again to point out the weak form of 'than' I decided to play around with word boundaries and pointed out that the chunk is pronounced as 'the nexpected'. It worked fabulously well...

Second, I had some 8-year-olds saying 'BAnanas' as if the word was stressed on the first syllable. Obviously, with this class I couldn't use the IPA nor get into the idea of word stress so I simply told them to pronounce it as two words 'b nanas' and they were immediately able to produce the word correctly!

Some good stuff on this topic:
Teaching Rhythm and stress in English to Chinese students
3-part series on Linking, Rhythm and Intonation and Stress

Imagine you're 60

2005-06-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

Imagine you're 60. What would you like your boss to say at your birthday party?

We were asked this question at NAC and I figured something like "I'll give you a million dollars if you stay on." would be nice. Now I've been tormented lately by lots of doubts playing on my mind as I was trying to decide if this the right time for me to pack it up here and go home.

I set straight a few conditions that would hold me back and one of them was a reasonable pay rise... Well, I didn't get a million but hey, I'm not 60 either!

I have one week to make up my mind and I want to stick to what a Somali Australian who I was sharing with back in Southampton in 1993 once told me: "Do whatever makes you happy."

Confession of Faith (Inspiration from Masters)

2005-06-02T13:34:00.000+08:00

I was writing a sort of love letter yesterday and it came absolutely natural to me that I incorporated God, disguised as a painter though, in that piece. I mean, some 3 years ago this would have been unthinkable. Like most Czechs, I considered myself atheist. When I slowly started approaching my faith, and this process I think became tangible here in Malaysia, I realized it would be a long-distance run. People either acquire religion (not necessarily faith I suspect) from their parents as they grow up in a religious environment or else have to think and reason their way through to God. And for an analytical mind this turns out to be an arduous trek as it is often about giving up the analytical bit and in a sense trying to reverse the analytical approach: understand to believe!

That is why I recently bought a couple of books that I had been craving for a while. First, it is Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis in which he recounts his journey "from a traditional Christian childhood to a youthful atheism and, finally, back to confident Christianity". I want to find out what this icon if Christian literature had to go through and am somewhat pleased to see that struggling was an inevitable part of his 'surprise'.

Second, I bought The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen which is a sort of secret journal of a Catholic priest and one of the world's best-known spiritual writers which was written when he lost his hope in God and energy to live. I suppose that for anyone who makes themselves so vulnerable that they surrender to God it must bring tremendous anguish to suddenly find themselves deserted. And something is telling me that if I want to tread the same path as C.S. Lewis did I need to be prepared to experience the same pain and misery as Henri Nouwen did.

Finally, since I already embarked on a spending spree, I picked another book by C.S. Lewis - The Four Loves...

Forgiving

2005-06-01T12:44:00.000+08:00

Oh, how much I hate making mistakes! I mean there are an awful lot different kinds of mistakes and I mostly appreciate their meaning to one's life but I hate making STUPID mistakes. I painfully realized that on Monday when I ended up wasting an hour after I took the wrong turning in an area where I'd been so many times before. I mean, it wouldn't have mattered if there hadn't been dear friends waiting for me. I can while away my time as I wish but I have a strong sense of responsibility towards others. I hardly ever lose temper but this time I was swearing at myself and I realized how hard it is for me to forgive myself.

But then I thought: Thanks God, this is meant to be a testing experience, a sort of mental excercise. I'm being given this opportunity so I could realize that and learn how to deal with such situations. I made the mistake on purpose.

I found myself mulling over it and trying to calm down. Now I see it was Grace (as it is defined by Scott Peck) and I feel extremely grateful. I feel so, too, because my friends were able to forgive me and so made it easier, in a sense, for me to forgive myself. I mean, it's amazing how much God's Grace and happiness I've experienced lately. On this occasion alone, I emerged from excruciating anger to peaceful gratitude in no time.

Yet, I'm reminded the purpose may have a deeper meaning still. It's easy to receive such gifts, yet it's hard to give back. It's not only that I find it hard to forgive myself because I'm so perfect it's also that I don't forgive others..

Of course, I'm NOT perfect but I'm also not humble enough to realize this in my daily life. The soothing bit is that I'm becoming ever more faithful and this, I hope, will help me to become more forgiving.

Football in Malaysia

2005-05-26T13:48:00.000+08:00

The Champions League final was a smashing thriller. We'd been watching with Andy some of the previous games only to be always let down as we hadn't seen a single goal. Now we were stupendously rewarded!

In the half time, however, there was a moment when I couldn't but burst out in laughter. The local TV3 showed a short report from a place where local fans were watching the match. Back in the studio the commentator grinned and remarked that everyone's there was enjoying the football the Malaysian way, ie. with Teh Ais and Roti Canai. I could laugh my head off as that single remark alone proved I am half Malaysian.

I'm manly

2005-05-25T13:48:00.000+08:00

I observed that when I fall asleep while sitting my head always drops on one side only - the right. I assume it has something to do with the capacity of my right brain hemisphere which I'm, as an average man, supposed to use more often than the left one.

Confirmed. I'm manly.

The gift half understood

2005-05-21T20:10:00.000+08:00

This was an amazing day. I clearly remember when I first (and last) used my French. It was back in Prague, some three years ago in the underground where a group of tourists was asking for directions. I said simply "C'est à gauche." and it was enough. Such moments, little though they may be, have particular importance for all language learners as they provide a sense of meaning to the learning grind.

After a mere week of learning Chinese it happened to me again. I went out for dinner to my favourite 'economy rice' hawker stall and there were, among other people, a man and his wife. When the man saw me, he somewhat excitedly started talking to his wife and I noticed one word – 'gāu', or 'tall' in English...

Life to me is definitely "the gift half understood" (T.S. Eliot) as it "can only be understood backwards" (Soren Kierkegaard) and...

Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone, therefore we must be saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint; therefore we must be saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness.

-- Reinhold Niebuhr, via Daily Dig

Yes, I feel I'm a tiny part of something beautiful. It only sometimes doesn't make sense...

Meditation

2005-05-19T12:55:00.000+08:00

... there are two reasons why you must be content with what happens to you: first because it was for you it came to pass, for you it was ordered and to you it was related, a thread of destiny stretching back to the most ancient causes; secondly because that which has come to each individually is a cause of the welfare and the completion and in very truth of the actual continuance of that which governs the Whole.

-- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations: V, 8

Happy Resigning

2005-05-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

Little had I known that teachers are so eager to write resignation letters until I posted up my own. Now I get so much incoming traffic through Google from people looking for something like "Malaysia resignation letter" or "teacher resignation letter"...

Well it helped me a great deal to resign, the sense of relief and re-gained freedom is tremendous. So, happy resigning!

At last, I've taken up Chinese

2005-05-16T21:58:00.000+08:00

I've just finished my first Chinese class and it was just hilarious. I could never get my tongue round the four different tones.

The original idea came from Blinger who once noted that every language teacher should learn a foreign language so that she can better relate to her students and what they go through in their language classes. Furthermore, better understanding of Chinese is definitely beneficial as most of my students are ethnic Chinese.

As far as the language itself is concerned, I don't set my expectations too high because I've got only 3 months to go here in Malaysia. My goal is esentially to get to grips with the pronunciation which means (if I understand it correctly):

1) the 4 tones so that I'm comprehensible to native Chinese speakers,
2) the Hanyu Pinyin system so that I can learn on my own and use various learning tools

Czech Republic - Canada 3:0

2005-05-16T18:56:00.000+08:00

There's definitely something about seasons and so as spring takes the reign over from winter Czech ice-hockey players do so from Canada :)

See ya next year!

Life x career v.2

2005-05-14T19:50:00.000+08:00

I find it weird that I could ever claim that I was in control of my life, but wasn't in control of my career.

Now I think it's the other way round as I increasingly often feel there is someone else in charge.

In this life we are like stubborn horses put into harnesses and shafts. At first, we kick. We want to live according to our will. We break the shafts, snap the harness, do not go anywhere, and become exhausted. Finally when we are at the end and we are not thinking about getting our own way anymore, we give in to the Higher Will, and things move forward. This is when we find peace and happiness.

-- Leo Tolstoy (via Daily Dig)

Tongue Twister - Cop Bob

2005-05-12T16:39:00.000+08:00

I've been often disappointed by the tongue twisters that are freely available on the internet as they tend to be more fun than any serious pronunciation practice. So I put together my very first tongue twister. It is clear the two sounds in question here are /b/ and /p/ in their end positions. I'm going to have my intermediate students dictate it to each other and then focus on minimal pairs, or whatever crops up as necessary to deal with on the spot.

Cop Bob was always a snob. He wanted to rob the new Pope of his old robe and so he dropped on his friend Rob to get some rope. But Bob saw Rob sob over his mop.

“Nope,” said Rob. “I can't cope with this mop, Bob. I really hope to get a new job.”

What do you think?

Persistence in spring

2005-05-01T13:18:00.000+08:00

Your persistent longing is your persistent voice. But when love grows cold, the heart grows silent. Burning love is the outcry of the heart! If you are filled with longing all the time, you will keep crying out, and if your love perseveres, your cry will be heard without fail.

-- Augustine (via Daily Dig)

I've played the following telephone game, where one end sends the questions one by one and the other end chooses the most suitable answer and sends it back, twice so far and it was always good fun:

1. When was Jiri born?
2. What time does Jiri get up?
3. When does Jiri play badminton?
4. When did Jiri go back home last year?
5. When does Jiri get lots of presents?
6. When does Jiri usually send text messages?
7. When does Jiri usually fall in love?
8. What time does the class start?

In December, 1979.
Usually at 10 o'clock.
On Tuesdays.
On 20th December.
At Christmas.
At midnight.
In spring.
At 11 o'clock.

Funnily enough, I don't fall in love on Tuesdays as some students were trying to suggest.

What makes a good teacher?

2005-04-25T18:49:00.000+08:00

I think this reflection on 'What makes a good teacher?' is well worth the read.

Resignation Letter

2005-04-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

Dear Teachers

RE: Resignation

I am writing to inform you that I resign from the position of Head Teacher with an immediate effect.

Having no managerial experience whatsoever I have made a lot of mistakes during this fleeting life of being Head Teacher and communication seems to be the biggest one. Let me, therefore, first briefly explain the motives behind me accepting to become Head Teacher as it is then when most of the misunderstanding seem to have begun.

Having been in Malaysia for over one year I was striving for a new challenge. I acknowledged that it was not feasible for TBC to employ an experienced foreign teacher for this position and so I suggested that should the need arise I would not reject it as I did the first time the idea was put forward. I was careful though not to push the issue in any way. I was fully aware that the sole purpose of such a position is to benefit the organization and the teachers in the first place, yet I seemed to fail to rise up to the challenge.

The situation now, as it occurs to me, is not sustainable. Ever since I was appointed we have been facing problems which do not seem to be necessary. I have never personally benefited from being Head Teacher and so has not anyone else, the organization as a whole included. Therefore, I have no intention on clinging to it and am happy to write my first resignation letter ever with a view to improving our well-being in Malaysia.

Yours,

Jiri Brazda

Let Go, and Respond

2005-04-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

Let go, and respond to the immediate needs around you. Don't get caught in some false perception of yourself. There will always be another person more gifted than you. And don't perceive your position as important, but be ready to serve at any moment. If you can let go of who you think you are, you will become free - ready to love others. If you learn to see your impermanence, you will be able to live for the moment and not miss opportunities to love by pushing things into the future.

-- Thich Nhat Hanh

I love rain!

2005-04-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

Hanka brought up an intriguing question today. Am I adventurous or not? Obviously, it's always about the extent to which people are or are not adventurous but I've been strongly under the impression that I definitely am adventurous and that it is one of the inherent values of my personality. The nick 'Truly Bohemian' after all suggests that art, freedom and adventure is what I believe in.

I don't hide that I struggle with myself. A few days ago I light-heartedly suggested that I need someone to put me right and a friend of mine texted me back: “let me pray first.. plz mrs. jiri faster show up 2 make him be right!” That's something I was definitely thinking of as well but come to think of it, if I can't do it myself no one else possibly can.

Undoubtedly, adventurous people fear very little as they feel secure in this world. They're trusting and full of faith (faithful?). However, adventure is all too often perceived as simply travelling. How about the unseen and intangible mental adventures that we undertake? A shy student who signs up for English classes with a foreign teacher may not be called adventurous but it is a great adventure for them. My cousin, who passed away, wouldn't be perceived as adventurous either but she had to take on more adventures than most at her age. As they put it in The Motorcycle Diaries sometimes you have to fight for every breath. For some people a single breath is an adventure... Not the number of stamps in your passport or photos you take but struggling and overcoming obstacles, be it our fears, disabilities, injustice or anything else.

Coming back to the question mark, I certainly don't have to climb Mt. Everest (and probably die) to prove I'm adventurous. I ought to, however, become more trusting and fight back my fears. For that I need faith. I need to be full of faith. And maybe I need to be faithful too? Faithful to God?

I definitely miss someone like Alastair, who could as my spiritual leader help strengthen my faith. It would be so much easier. I wish it could be. I was given a lot and now I feel I am expected to stand on my own feet and start giving back. Being in a leadership position here, I'm exposed to great pressure. I've been criticized several times so far from other trainees for doing too much or too little but I've never heard a single word of gratitude from them (Hanka being the only exception). Hadn't I worked my ass off at the beginning, hadn't I been willing to put up with all the struggle, there would've been no work for them in the first place. No Malaysia, no adventure at all. I heard of a phenomenon called something like 'solitude of leaders' and I heard of Jesus being crucified. That works somewhat to console me.

And yes, as I stressed in my letter to myself:

There are these three things that remain: Faith, Hope, and Love. And the greatest of these is Love. -- Corinthians 13:13

Language is beautiful

2005-03-28T16:41:00.000+08:00

I haven't been in a good mental shape lately but it all realy came to a head when one of my friends said:

Z head teacher si nedelej hlavu.

Hilarious!

Bye bye, Zuzko

2005-03-18T19:36:00.000+08:00

I always feared that while I'm in Malaysia one of my grandparents might pass away. It would've been my first death and I feel I should be there when it happens. I should share my part in the immense struggle of not knowing what to do or say. At the very least, I should say 'bye bye' at the funeral. I should... or rather I'd like to.

Now my cousin died of heart failure at the age of 22. The news took me aback. One moment I weep, then it escapes me for an hour or so and when it comes back again I can't believe it's true.

She always wanted to know about my travels but now I won't be able to tell her...

Lessons learnt

2005-03-17T13:10:00.000+08:00

There are some people who I find annoying or even outright rude. But then something is telling me that it might be simply their insecurity and what is more, that insecurity might well have something to do with me.

More amazing still, when confronted with cordial hospitality and smile the very same people can change on the spot. Unlike me who acts like an asshole and mirror all negative emotions back, some people have this gift to bring up the better in people.

Something is telling me too, that in Christianity there is lots of stuff on this subject.

Unless You Become a Child

2005-03-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

Children meant everything to Jesus. When his disciples quarreled as to who was the greatest, he put a child in their midst and said, “Unless you become like one of these little ones you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.” And Isaiah, speaking of that same kingdom, said, “The lion and the lamb shall lie down peacefully together, and a little child shall lead them.”

-- Johann Christoph Arnold

Malaysian English

2005-03-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

my dearest one puvin darling, of course i remember u ler...hehehehe...so u will b here in pg for ur internship is it? which part wor? which part of the pg island u will b in ar? miss u ler..when u in the island sms me ler..we can meet up ma..heheheh...

Head Teacher

2005-03-10T12:45:00.000+08:00

Almost exactly a year after my arrival I was appointed as Head Teacher and I am going to move to Alor Setar with Hanka, a new teacher from the Czech Republic.

I can envisage new challenges. I thrive on it. That's what keeps me going here.

My Multiple Intelligences

2005-02-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

Take the Test

Children

2005-02-15T15:08:00.000+08:00

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

-- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

Brainwaves

2005-02-13T15:14:00.000+08:00

I was talking to my God
the other night
on the beach
and he answered
by sending brainwaves.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

2005-02-08T13:47:00.000+08:00

There are times
when the gap is too red
like the one of 'ang paus'

Yet there are times
when I burnt and mesmerized
let myself be embraced
by kitchen piano tunes

Rice is ripe and the fields on fire

2005-01-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

It's been a year since I started to explore faith and Christianity in particular for myself. I dared put together some rather crazy ideas and when I confronted Alastair with them some serious question marks cropped up. Alastair however suggested I read Provocations by Soren Kierkegaard.

I've started just now, on the way to Alor Setar, a journey much dreaded as Alor Setar for me is still a mixture of joy of being with the kids there and depression of being alone and having to sleep overnight in the office.

Alastair is undoubtedly a great leader because the first thing that struck my eyes was this thought:

Early in his life, Kierkegaard made the discovery that one must “find a truth which is true for me – the idea for which I can live and die.”

Provocations, Spiritual Writings of Kierkegaard, Compiled and Edited by Thomas Moore

I remember my university professor, whose field is system theory, saying that there is no objective or universal truth. He was right. Our lives are all so unique that no matter how much we learn from others, unless we struggle to apply it to our individual conditions, it is to little avail.

This must be a particularly great discovery for all would-be leaders as it teaches to respect more others and their individual conditions. Now I better understand why Scott M. Peck said that leaders should encourage other people to choose paths they would never choose for themselves.

Absolutely, it is not about convincing others of our truth but rather encouraging them to seek their own. How?

By being more humble and less narcissistic?

What Really Matters

2005-01-20T11:49:00.000+08:00

There is often more wisdom to be found at the edges of life than in its middle. A life-threatening illness, for instance, may shuffle our values like a deck of cards. Sometimes a card that has been on the bottom of the deck for most of our lives turns out to be the top card, the thing that really matters. Having watched people sort their cards and play their hands in the presence of death for many years, I would say that most often the top card is love.

-- Rachel Naomi Remen

2nd half

2005-01-02T02:20:00.000+08:00

With the beginning of 2005, the second half of my current job is just about to begin and I'm asking myself how I can get more out of it. Undoubtedly, there are both personal and professional matters to work on and improve.

Speaking about the latter, I think I should take on a formal leadership role. There are hints this may be necessary to take place very soon and this time I won't resist like I did before. I'd refused it out of fear of breaking equality with the other teachers and becoming unpopular. However, I should accept it now precisely because I'm able and willing, too, to think of the school as a whole. I can see the organisation and the underlying system and it is certainly not asking me to be popular.

One thing which helped convince me is a past meeting experience. One of the teachers was arguing for more regular meetings only to discuss in a rather self-centred manner relatively minor issues to do with office supplies. After that I started to talk about overall performance and quality issues in line with long-term planning. This debate took up about an hour but didn't get much interest from that teacher. The striking gap between the level on which we perceive the organisation can now be justifiably reflected into our organizational structure.

Is it that I want, or should?

2004-12-31T02:41:00.000+08:00

As ever, there are lots of things going on in my mind.

First, comments from a couple of people confirmed that what I do now is my true vocation. Apparently, I seem extremely happy on my photos from Malaysia.

Second, the great thinker M. Scott Peck suggests that some people are naturally called on to do extraordinary things. I admit it's been the case with me. I've always thought of doing heroic things and it's not long ago when I got this comment from my English teacher: "You're certainly going to make your mark on the world in a big way."

Czechs

2004-12-29T02:42:00.000+08:00

Czechs don't believe in God.
Czechs are considered rather reserved.
Czechs rank no.1 in the world in beer consumption per head.

The three things came to mind yesterday and I suspect there might be a link between them.

Mock Test

2004-12-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

Right. Half way into my work here. Going home for Christmas. I should be over the moon but, as all too often, I'm not. This is going to be a mock test of a sort. One day I will have to give up all I helped build up. It will be hard, but what I may fear even more is the void of transition. The question is why the profound gratitude doesn't help much to conjure up a smile on my face? Isn't it deep enough to fight back the tears of existential fear? Or is it only God who can put a smile on my face?

Czech National Anthem

2004-12-13T15:17:00.000+08:00

I've just come across official translation of the Czech national anthem.

Where is my home,
Where is my home,
The water hums over the meadows,
The pines whisper over the mountains,
The flower blooms in the orchard in the spring,
It’s a heaven on earth to look at it.
And that is the beautiful country,
The Czech country,
My home.
The Czech country,
My home.

Isn't it beautiful?

Jiri Around the World

2004-12-11T19:05:00.000+08:00

I remember one experience from my childhood very clearly. We were supposed to draw a picture for a drawing contest. I have never been good at drawing but I loved Tatra trucks, particularly because at that time they were running this “Tatra Around the World” project (probably trying to prove that trucks from a communist country can beat just about anything), so to me, the choice as to what I should draw was clear-cut. My best friend struggled a little but eventually he drew the same thing and made it to the next round of the contest with his “Tatra Around the World”.

I was upset and bitterly disappointed. I couldn't fathom that as, understandably, my Tatra resembled the original more, but most importantly, it was MY idea to draw it.

This feeling has cropped up since then countless of times. I dare say I don't lack creativity and that is one of the reasons why I love teaching. I hated it when I didn't have much support for my ideas in my previous jobs but I equally hate when other people either steal the idea and make it seem their own or use it without any acknowledgement such as “Thank you, Jiri. It's a great idea. I really like it.” After all, the ideas didn't come to me without any work.

But then I can feel the message which is saying: “Not all ideas are yours, you were merely given these first in a particular moment. Rather, you should feel proud others copy these ideas. That's the utmost acknowledgement as it is as sincere as it could be.” So I'll try to learn to give up the ownership feeling and like it since I guess it'll stay with me for a while.

So I'm 25 now

2004-12-06T19:20:00.000+08:00

A few things are playing on my mind but gratitude ought to be mentioned first. What I do is ever more meaningful year after year and I'm grateful for being gifted to do so.

I'm further on the path of my spiritual and personal journey than anytime before and I find it symbolic that at the furthest point I'm going home for Christmas.

... Nejdelší je cesta, jež vede k tomu, co je nejblíž.
Nejtěžší je složit píseň, jež je docela prostá.
Poutník chodí od cizích dveří ke dveřím, aby nakonec dorazil k
vlastnímu prahu - člověk bloudí venku po světě, aby nalezl pána
ve svém vlastním nitru ...

Gítáňdžalí, Rabíndranáth Thákura

I'm ready to go. This morning I put aside some hard bread for birds, exactly as I'd do it at home. But there is no winter here, it's ridiculous...

Classroom as a Footbal Pitch?

2004-11-29T18:41:00.000+08:00

I'd been long struggling with a class of 8-year-olds and I couldn't figure out what to do with two particular boys of whom one is quite smart but very disobedient and the other one just like him, though much slower when it comes to English. I increasingly often resorted to sending one of them out of the classroom. I knew it wasn't ideal as it didn't seem to work.

Luckily, while I was reading a book on teaching children in Asia, I came across this idea that any punishment is essentially wrong because it only makes things worse rather than the opposite. The author went on to suggest that we should try to turn a lesson into a big game where children compete in groups for points and so are stimulated to try hard throughout the lesson while at the same time under the control of their team-mates. This thing would probably seem banal to more experienced teachers, however, I came up with the idea of turning the lesson into a football match where I act as a referee.

Amazingly, what I did had an enormous impact on those boys. They all understand football very well and so I didn't have to explain at lengths what my yellow and red card means!

I need to teach more groupwork.
I need to learn more...

Turning Students Into Bloggers

2004-11-28T22:19:00.000+08:00

Looking at our students' blog I think it works pretty well and it's precisely because of close-knit community we enjoy here.

Hari Raya

2004-11-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

Malaysia is often described as an Islamic country. This is a little simplified description as, for example, I've been for the past 8 months almost completely separated from the Malay Muslim majority. Nevertheless, it is hard to miss that today is Hari Raya which marks the end of Ramadan.

The first day of Ramadan was special for me and so was, in its own way, the last. For the second time only in Malaysia I went to a church. To be honest, I was appalled that the preacher did not care to mention Hari Raya at all. He called for unity within the Christian community but remained oblivious to the fact that mosques are besieged by shocking numbers of beggars these days. Maybe I expected him to call for broader unity and mutual understanding, but then by going to church I was probably just like him.

The climax of the day was a symbolic one. I found myself staring at Kedah's paddy fields from the top of Gunung Jerai, as if a God's window was wide opened yet again.

A Special Moment

2004-11-09T13:10:00.000+08:00

This was truly a special moment. I had an adorable 4-year-old girl on my lap drawing me - great pictures, I can tell you! But just a moment before that I finalised my first activity based on concordances. For the past week or so I've been utterly mesmerised by this part of corpus linguistics and though I'm just at the beginning, with my IT/analytical background I actually feel very close to this area of language teaching.

I've been saying for some time now that I want to direct my EFL career to teaching children only, yet I can't as I still bear the bulk of responsibility here. Come to think of it, however, it might eventually prove a huge advantage since I can get a well-rounded picture of English language teaching.

Phonics for pre-schoolers and concordances for upper intermediate students - that's what I call a challenge.

I was nervous, I was proud

2004-11-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

Students-centred Classroom

2004-11-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

I'd been absolutely positive up until last Sunday that the U-shape organization of desks in the classroom is the best option available. There are a few reasons to support this view, such as that all students have a good view of the teacher and her mouth in particular all the time, but I came to realize that's the old teacher-centred approach.

I handed over a class of intermediate teenage students who I struggled with enormously to a more experienced teacher. She immediately moved the desks together in order to form two groups sitting around and facing each other rather than the teacher. Apparently, she did only pairwork/groupwork activities and the class seemed a huge success. I was having my class next door and I could hardly concentrate as I was wondering what kind of magic tricks she used.

After that I decided to give it a try with my 6-8 year olds and it had me weep before the class when I saw one of the shiest girls with a smile on her face, utterly intrigued by the new arrangement.

Obviously, such a thing can never make the class unless it comes hand in hand with appropriate activities but I'm going to have a shot at it, especially with teenage classes.

Dear Parents

2004-10-27T13:06:00.000+08:00

Everything we have in body and mind has come from the care, protection, and teachings of our parents and teachers. -- Venerable Acariya Maha Boowa Nanasampanno

Could it be that by being a teacher I understand my parents better now?

On The Journey Towards Hospitality

2004-10-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

FR. LARRY GILLICK, S.J. via HenriNouwen.org

There are two Latin words, which sound almost the same. The first is "hospes," which means “welcome” and the second is "hostis," which means "enemy.” From the first word we have the word, "hospital" and from the second we have "hostage". Welcoming is a free accepting of the other; taking hostages means imprisoning the other.

In our neighborhood, when I was a young lad, I often visited two homes of friends that were on our block, I looked forward to visiting one of them but dreaded visiting the other. Years later when I was revisiting my old neighborhood I recalled that split. When I would go to the first home, the mother of my friend would sit down with me at the breakfast table and listen to my exaggerations and exploits. There would be cereal bowls and empty cups on the table, but she would ignore them, turn off the radio so she could hear me better and seemed to enjoy being a part of my life. She could get me talking about myself and I loved that, even if what I was saying wasn't really quite true!

The second house was not so much fun. When I would visit there I had to be careful. The woman seemed to listen, but she was always cleaning the windows and dusting and keeping me nervous with her broom in hand. She was pleasant enough, but I felt like a germ about to infect her sanitary bubble. I think I felt sorry for her, because she wasn't comfortable in her own house.

If we have welcomed ourselves, others will find welcome in us. If we are a hostage to ourselves, we will be imprisoned by our loneliness.

It infuriates me to be wrong

2004-10-16T22:33:00.000+08:00

The first two days of the holy month of Ramadan were quite extraordinary.

As ever, on Friday I was leaving Bukit Mertajam with much difficulty. I admit the place practically always gets me down but as I said before I would never ever leave Alor Star because there are the two most wonderful kids I've ever known, Amelia and Delia.

The first class was great, but the rest was either bad or terrible. I finished the last class at 10:30 and went straight to bed. In the meantime and in the depth of the misery, I scribbled down the following:

It infuriates me when the person who is in charge of Alor Star asks me for some extra work and immediatelly remarks that extra hours for me means extra hours for them as well. True, she would have to spend more time chatting and reading her novels...

It infuriates me when I am willing to give up one of my good classes, so that one teacher could handle two classes of the same level and the overall quality and efficiency of our teaching would improve, only to hear Sylwia categorically insisting on having the two classes.

It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I'm right. -- Moliere

Today was far better. I had so much fun with the youngest kids. Delia had her birthday on 3 October and I gave her a story book about Marco Polo. To me, these children are the greatest explorers of all time and this is what I wrote to her:

Like travelling and exploring,
learning is a great adventure, too.
Marco Polo was one of the greatest travellers of all time,
and by learning you can become just like him.

Today, she brought the book with her and she told me about how much she liked it. Finally, before I left Alor Star, I was invited to an annual ceremony for kids leaving their kindergarten, where Amelia is having some dancing performance. Can't wait for that!

Yet this wasn't the end as the journey back was quite remarkable. The evening light saw me utterly spellbound by the greenery of the paddy fields, flocks of birds high up in the sky (some birds are supposed to be migrating from China now), Gunung Jerai with its peak shrouded in clouds.

In Scotland, where it is almost incessantly just cloudy, I often experienced this interesting thing when the rare strips of sunshine made their way down on the Earth through a crack in a layer of clouds. I was always fascinated by this company on my many rambles and I came to call it a God's window.

Now, a God's window like that opened above its peak just as I was speeding on my bike past Gunung Jerai. I stopped by the roadside, trying to come to terms with the meaning of such a startling beauty.

There's been a thing playing on my mind for a couple of weeks. I've been trying to admit that I'd felt lonely most of my life, but the God's window carried a message. All this way I might not have been alone after all.

First Impressions

2004-10-01T23:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel that I should really apologize to my students: “Yeah, I know, it was so bad today. The beginning was kind of awkward, it just didn’t quite turn out as I thought. Then the poem was too hard and I shouldn’t have ploughed through it for so long. It’s not you... Sorry, I messed it up.”

Then I would go on to think: “Hey, hold on! Whom will it serve? How will it aid their learning? Think it over. You learnt a lesson so try to get something out of it and don’t do the same stupid things again!”

This is particularly true when I get new students. I simply seem to struggle with giving good first impressions.

Delia

2004-09-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

Delia, Amelia's sister, made my day last Saturday.

jiri.brazda@rock.bottom.my

2004-09-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

I've been here for the past six months now and it seems as if I'm going through a major crisis. I feel run-down. I was wondering yesterday what I have in store for the near future and I got this reply on my mobile:

"Living a life of great stability removes the unpredactibility that makes life worth living." -- Daniel Farina

My Best Friend

2004-09-21T11:28:00.000+08:00

It never ceases to amaze me how experience is linked to language and how mastering a foreign language can open up a brand new dimension of one's life.

For example, I often use words such as 'love' or 'beautiful' where I would hardly ever use their Czech equivalents. One of my friends, on the other hand, though very polite in Czech uses 'fuck' in English all the time. This comes as no surprise to me. While my English comes from England and Scotland, his originated in the USA...

However, there are two more important things worth noting.

First, it is fairly clear that translation is inevitable for language learners for as long as they have no direct experience.

Second, it occurs to me that there is also this 'partial nontransferability' (WOW!) between languages. The following sentence from my best friend underpins the conjecture:

"jo potrebuju sumavu a totalni vykyd tam v ty hospode se srsnema a ozralym venkovanem s chlebem...probrat zivot."

Vocation

2004-09-19T13:50:00.000+08:00

Strangely enough, though I still have a year or so to go I often think of leaving Malaysia these days and however distant the thought is, it is very intense and it invariably makes me cry. I don’t want to leave my children, I don’t want to leave the job. I’ve tried out a few things so far and this one makes a great sense to me. Maybe, just maybe... Is this my vocation, something I’m called on to do in my life?

While I was thinking this question over a few more cropped up: Can I work as an English teacher at home or am I bound to stay abroad? What sort of qualification do I need then to stay competitive?

There’s no decision I have to make now, but I need to get prepared.

Believe to understand

2004-09-14T16:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, the whole crew of teachers boarded a ferry linking the mainland with Penang for a half-day trip to Georgetown. A while after we left the jetty Sylwia asked me why the sea was so colourful. "Maybe it's meant to be beautiful," I replied though I didn't know where the answer came from. "Maybe it's meant to be beautiful and so it must be colourful."

"Seek not to understand so that you may believe, but believe so that you may understand." -- Augustine of Hippo

I love Sylwia's curiosity.

Rolling Stone

2004-09-09T20:43:00.000+08:00

I felt I made a few mistakes today. I felt it was a bad day. When I reflected on it, however, I realized I could learn a great deal from it. The mistakes came to me with a message which I can clearly see now. The message in turn gave birth to an idea. I feel grateful.

Every day I feel it’s becoming ever more urgent for me to change. When I started to work here I was practically the only and arguably the most important teacher. I got used to bearing the responsibility as I was involved in virtually every decision. I was exceptionally successful and I feel grateful for that.

However, it’s high time I stepped down. I’m not anymore the only one here and I must therefore not assume the whole responsibility. I must let the others enjoy some space to grow and support them on their quest for greater independence.

I’ve been saying ever since I arrived in Malaysia that I would leave once I reach the climax. For a fleeting while today I thought this might be it. The business in Bukit Mertajam is on the right track and there is not much left to work on. On the other hand, the situation in Alor Star is a far cry from what we enjoy in Bukit Mertajam. So I will probably leave for Alor Star where I’ll have to start nearly from scratch.

In the meantime, of course, I will work on building our team. I by no means intend to shrug off the challenge. No, I helped build something tremendous and I must give it up. I’ll try to help build something new and give it up again when the time is ripe. This power to give up is a miraculous gift which I feel grateful for.

Beautiful People

2004-09-04T21:42:00.000+08:00

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Obituary: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (Economist.com)

Barn Owl

2004-09-03T20:25:00.000+08:00

Huh, though I had a wonderful dream about Chun, a Thai friend of mine whom I met in Southampton and whom I’m going to see again soon, this morning was tough... The question left me with a feeling of torturing confusion.

I knew I had to turn to my mentor for help. So I did. I knew I had to resort to Alastair’s The Gift Half Understood. So I did. This amazing book on a European journey is something of a spiritual shelter for emotional downpours on my Asian journey. Only a couple of pages were enough to cheer me up:

Crawford drove me to the ferry at Otternish in his open sports car, an extravaganza I greatly enjoyed. Here were two grey-haired fifty-somethings, one quite distinctive in camouflage kit, bowling along in the sun and the wind on a single-track road in the Outer Hebrides at all of thirty-five miles an hour. Past the Scolpaig Tower, and carpets of wild pinks by the Vallay Strand, to where rough grass is growing again on a hill which was gutted to supply the rock for the new causeway to Berneray. On the way a barn owl surprised us by the roadside, its measured flight, soft plumage and heart-shaped face unmistakable in the daylight. Hold on, I thought, barn owls are mainland birds. What's a barn owl doing on a moorland in North Uist? But then I could hardly believe I was there myself!

True, Alastair, that realization is far more than enough.

New Teacher

2004-09-02T20:21:00.000+08:00

So at last, on Tuesday we are going down to KL to pick up a new teacher. I might be as much excited about this as she is as it is not going to be a challenge for her only. Clearly, it is going to be a challenge for the whole crew which is taking on board a new member. That is a change to the organization which must respond equally. Without this flexibility we are bound no to reap the potential benefits of the change but the contrary.

While chatting with her a few hours ago she made an intriguing comment as to our roles within the organization as she suggested she could act as a bridge of communication between me and Andy. “Then I would be a pillar,” sprang to mind immediately...

We made this simile in a ligh-hearted tone yet it is just and apt. I believe this is how we perceive our roles and this is how we act upon it.

I am ready to embrace the challenge wholeheartedly, there is something of a worry however. It is my expectations which might be far too high and the tendency to be overprotective when it comes to women and dominant when it comes to men. There is a crucial question cropping up. Do I give other people enough space to grow - to struggle, to fight, to lose and to win the battles for themselves?

Though I don’t know the answer, it puts my mind at peace that it all only means I am still on the right path.

My sisters

2004-08-23T18:47:00.000+08:00

I took my motorbike all the way from Bukit Mertajam to Cameron Higlands where I had to withstand severe cold downpours. During that ordeal all of a sudden, I recalled how I was the previous day walking in the rain with my newly adopted sister Amelia and my eyes were instantly filled with tears. Strangely, I couldn't think of anything else but her and when I stopped to enjoy a spectacular highland scenery with clouds quickly forming right beneath my feet, I made a long-term pledge to help her learn and grow. I will work towards it year after year until we are both ready to meet again and make it happen.

There are not enough words to say how much I love her. Actually, shortly after Amelia's mother suggested that I could adopt her as a sister rather than a daughter I realized she was absolutely right. Since my early childhood I wanted to have a younger sibling. Now apart from my older sister I have my younger sister as well. Amazingly, they both have their birthday soon - 9 September.

I talked to monks

2004-08-21T16:12:00.000+08:00

Finally, after a few weeks of planning I set off to climb up to two Buddhist temples this morning along with Andy and some of my students. In the first one I talked to a monk who could possibly become my teacher for the short spell I mean to stay in a temple. In the other one, however, I found myself somewhat open-mouthed talking to a different sort of monk - a white man, who has been travelling round the world for the past six years now. I came up against some difficulties as I started to talk in Czech... surprise, he comes from Slovakia!

Struggling through

2004-08-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

I realize learning is a ceaseless battle with laziness. I'm reading up on teaching a great deal but while reading I often tend to wish I had someone to guide me and show the right way through. In other words, to some extent I wish to skip the planting and enjoy the fruits right away. Yet this is hardly possible since true learning comes with struggling and even with a guide, helpful though she might be, I would have to find for myself my own path.

What sort of implications does it have then for someone who guides around 100 children?

Nirvana. Now. Here.

2004-08-16T14:25:00.000+08:00

In a recent debate on happiness and its role in our lives I claimed if there is anything like Nirvana then it is here. Now.

My point of view was rather personal but George Monbiot was swift to broaden this argument: "We live in the happiest, healthiest and most peaceful era in human history. And it will not last long."

Goodbye, Kind World

Freedooooom

2004-08-12T15:29:00.000+08:00

It's been a week now since I got my motorbike.

I love it! The sense of being able to explore the Malaysian countryside is liberating and uplifting. I can see there's an awful lot ahead.

Amelia

2004-08-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

Do you remember? She gave me her heart and I lost it... But she gave me another one. And she always teaches me to look at the earth and the heaven with her fresh wonder.

I love her and I was told that I can adopt her. As usual, the word 'adopt' means something different in this culture. Nevertheless, I wholeheartedly want to adopt her in a sense that I mean to offer her an opportunity to get some experience, be it studying or just travelling overseas, when she is mature.

Unlearning gives way to learning

2004-08-03T14:47:00.000+08:00

Back in England I was often wondering why Andrew, my best 'classroom teacher' ever, supressed his own opinions and beliefs while talking to his students.

I've been always a somewhat opinionated person and now I realized I ought to do as he always did. It is precisely because voicing my own opinions inhibits the students. True, I strive for more than language learning as it is all too often clear that without wider personal development students cannot learn much (see Dear Mistake). Nevertheless, the language should always have a priority and so I must unlearn the habit of speaking my mind in the classroom.

Word of Week

2004-08-01T20:13:00.000+08:00

Serendipity = Pure luck in discovering things you were not looking for. (Webster's Online Dictionary)

Love is a teacher

2004-07-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

"... love is a teacher, but one must know how to acquire it, for it is hard to acquire; it is dearly bought; it is won by slow, long labor."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Teacher must be a damn good learner

2004-07-22T12:30:00.000+08:00

It came to my mind yesterday, after a class which didn't go very well, that I will possibly never be the teacher I want to be. Why? Precisely because I always want to be the best. After a little thought, however, I realized that if I fail to give myself time, be patient and learn, how can I expect my students will hang out there for long enough and persevere? Being the distinguished and foremost learner of the class isn't it my utmost responsibility to lead by example?

If I fail as a learner I inevitably fail as a teacher, too.

Bridge the gaps - with your hands!

2004-07-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

What has George, an 80-year-old English dyker, to say to the little Chinese boy? I've got the job to find out.

Cultural Diversity and Adversity

2004-07-19T18:27:00.000+08:00

"... ve společnosti, podobně jako v individuálních mezilidských vztazích, pravá tolerance není založena na vlažné lhostejnosti, ale naopak lásce k jinosti, schopnosti milovat druhé právě takové, jací jsou, a třeba právě proto, že takoví jsou. Láska, která se nezmůže na víc než milovat stejné, je pouhou extrapolací narcismu. Společnosti, které ještě nedorostly k této aktivní toleranci, nejsou svobody hodny a jsou zřejmě odsouzeny k tomu, aby o ni přišly."

Lubor Kysučan
Source: ECONNECT (in Czech)

"In the United States, a study has shown that people are willing to pay more for services like education if they can live with people more like them in ethnicity and class. In other words, people place a value on being with others like them."

Source: Economist.com

Everything here is big

2004-07-19T17:12:00.000+08:00

It's been now for some time a source of amusement to see how some people in this culture strive for bigness. Yet again, it dawned on me today that it may have much to do with the environment.

I was reading a book outside our house when I spotted a lizard crawling undisturbed along the road. It was well over 1m long and I could hardly gasp in utter amazement at the sight. When it disappeared I recalled another incident with local fauna.

It was just another morning in Alor Star. I switched on the aircon in my office and it gave me a weird sound in response. After a second, however, a centipede perhaps 15cm big fell out of it. I drew back immediately and called for help. They took it and killed it. I remember I wasn't sure if it was good but they said it was poisonous...

I think, after all
that with my height
this place for me
is the one and right.

I believe in man

2004-07-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

This is what I put down into my diary two years back:

"We have an almighty father in heaven. Trust him and you will experience miracles." MB

"You have an ordinary friend on earth. Trust him and you will experience miracles." JB

Without knowing it I was at that time already a far more convinced Buddhist than ever.

"We don't believe in a god because we believe in man." Ven. S. Dhammika

I sincerely think that if one is ever to believe in God then she must first believe in man. Therefore, to become a Christian one has to become a Buddhist of a sort in the first place.

I've been empowered

2004-07-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

I want to take up piano classes and become a Buddhist monk for a while. Back home I mean to start English classes for underprivileged children. I feel powerful and resourceful. I can always draw on my gifts to observe and learn and fall back on the unwilting commitment... Yet I realize that as I learn more and more, the big picture, the meaning, is getting ever harder to grasp.

Children run around, playing a game, talking to each other and using the target language. Teenagers dare at last to ask, to complain. Young adults talk naturally over delicious Dim Sum. My boss says businesswise he feels 'more self-confident'.

The little bits and pieces make up the meaning because...

"The only purpose of power is to empower others." M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled and Beyond

What colour are you?

2004-07-03T20:29:00.000+08:00

VIOLET

You surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. You often daydream. You prefer honesty in your relationships and belive strongly in your personal morals.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

The colour is nonsense, the rest might be true.

Dictionaries

2004-07-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

I used to think that Cambridge Dictionaries Online are by far the best you can get... until I came across this awesome Webster's Online Dictionary. For those with childish wonder Wordsmyth Children's Dictionary might come in handy too.

We've been just talking with some of our students about long-term plans and it occurs to me that there is an awful lot ahead: Jiri in Nepal or Jiri in Korea. I'll play it by ear.

Appreciation of the environment

2004-06-28T21:15:00.000+08:00

I dared to think that appreciation of the environment in Malaysia is low. We in Europe often say that developing countries should take good care of their forests, for example, yet we have cleared much of ours centuries ago. That is one of the reasons we enjoy the economic wealth they want to achieve now.

Therefore, we have no right to tell other countries what they should do with their environment unless we state the Earth, our global environment, belongs to everyone and to all of us altogether. But then how will we justify that we have stolen so much from THEM and turned it into OUR ‘well-being’?

Take a look at Alan's Traineeship in Finland

Beauty has no nationality

2004-06-28T00:37:00.000+08:00

I've just come back from a classical music concert and it dawned on me during the first few moments that beauty has no nationality. Antonin Dvorak in Malaysian hands was profoundly touching...

And so I hope that tonight's Euro 2004 match Denmark - Czech Republic won't be lacking its beauty and charm regardless of which side will eventually make it into the semifinals.

Victims of poverty

2004-06-27T13:00:00.000+08:00

My best friend fell victim to pickpockets in Delhi, India. His immediate reaction was understandably a desire to beat up the people around. I hope, however, in the long run this will turn into a desire to beat the cause of it all - the system and poverty it engenders.

"It is poverty that is regarded as a scandal, never wealth." Alastair Hulbert, The Gift Half Understood

Artists In Training

2004-06-26T20:47:00.000+08:00

Madeleine L’Engle

I was trying to think about the concentration essential for all artists, and in the very little child I found the perfect example. The concentration of a small child at play is analogous to the concentration of the artist of any discipline. In real play, which is real concentration, the child is not only outside time, he is outside himself. He has thrown himself completely into whatever it is that he is doing. A child playing a game, building a sand castle, painting a picture, is completely in what he is doing. His self-consciousness is gone; his consciousness is wholly focused outside himself.

Source: Daily Dig

The best teacher ever called me an artist.

Making a difference

2004-06-24T17:20:00.000+08:00

Scottish Churches House in Dunblane, Scotland

TBC in Bukit Mertajam, Malaysia

The difference is 1 year and a few thousand kilometres. It's also the weather, the experience, the people... and yet there are links.

Jitka, a close friend of mine, is just on the way to Dunblane. It's hard for me to grasp the meaning and won't elaborate on that now. I just feel obliged and extremely grateful.

Hodne stesti, Jito!

Stupid me

2004-06-23T15:42:00.000+08:00

I promised I wouldn't lose my face and I haven't but I lost her heart she gave me.

Her name is Amelia and she is 6...

Child, Though I Take Your Hand

2004-06-19T20:34:00.000+08:00

Jane Tyson Clement

Child, though I take your hand
and walk in the snow;
though we follow the track of the mouse together;
though we try to unlock together the mystery
of the printed word, and slowly discover
why two and three make five
always, in an uncertain world —

child, though I am meant to teach you much,
what is it, in the end,
except that together we are
meant to be children
of the same Father
and I must unlearn
all the adult structure
and the cumbering years

and you must teach me
to look at the earth and the heaven
with your fresh wonder.

Source: Daily Dig

Forever?

2004-06-15T13:54:00.000+08:00

It's already 3 weeks since we moved in our new house which I adore so much. The address

99 Jalan Sentosa
14000 Bukit Mertajam
Penang, Malaysia

is an intriguing one. Apparently, number '99' means forever in Chinese culture and I've been toying with this idea of 'forever' ever since. Today familiar and yet unknown pictures put the idea into another perspective.

South Bohemia, (c) Roman Kybus

On criticism

2004-06-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

I realized that when I lash out at people it’s not my courage or self-confidence which allows of it. It’s their open-mindedness and willingness to accept and learn from such feedback. Seldom would I criticize a thick person, that’s a waste of time.