Forgiving

Oh, how much I hate making mistakes! I mean there are an awful lot different kinds of mistakes and I mostly appreciate their meaning to one's life but I hate making STUPID mistakes. I painfully realized that on Monday when I ended up wasting an hour after I took the wrong turning in an area where I'd been so many times before. I mean, it wouldn't have mattered if there hadn't been dear friends waiting for me. I can while away my time as I wish but I have a strong sense of responsibility towards others. I hardly ever lose temper but this time I was swearing at myself and I realized how hard it is for me to forgive myself.

But then I thought: Thanks God, this is meant to be a testing experience, a sort of mental excercise. I'm being given this opportunity so I could realize that and learn how to deal with such situations. I made the mistake on purpose.

I found myself mulling over it and trying to calm down. Now I see it was Grace (as it is defined by Scott Peck) and I feel extremely grateful. I feel so, too, because my friends were able to forgive me and so made it easier, in a sense, for me to forgive myself. I mean, it's amazing how much God's Grace and happiness I've experienced lately. On this occasion alone, I emerged from excruciating anger to peaceful gratitude in no time.

Yet, I'm reminded the purpose may have a deeper meaning still. It's easy to receive such gifts, yet it's hard to give back. It's not only that I find it hard to forgive myself because I'm so perfect it's also that I don't forgive others..

Of course, I'm NOT perfect but I'm also not humble enough to realize this in my daily life. The soothing bit is that I'm becoming ever more faithful and this, I hope, will help me to become more forgiving.