Delia

Delia, Amelia's sister, made my day last Saturday.

jiri.brazda@rock.bottom.my

I've been here for the past six months now and it seems as if I'm going through a major crisis. I feel run-down. I was wondering yesterday what I have in store for the near future and I got this reply on my mobile:

"Living a life of great stability removes the unpredactibility that makes life worth living." -- Daniel Farina

My Best Friend

It never ceases to amaze me how experience is linked to language and how mastering a foreign language can open up a brand new dimension of one's life.

For example, I often use words such as 'love' or 'beautiful' where I would hardly ever use their Czech equivalents. One of my friends, on the other hand, though very polite in Czech uses 'fuck' in English all the time. This comes as no surprise to me. While my English comes from England and Scotland, his originated in the USA...

However, there are two more important things worth noting.

First, it is fairly clear that translation is inevitable for language learners for as long as they have no direct experience.

Second, it occurs to me that there is also this 'partial nontransferability' (WOW!) between languages. The following sentence from my best friend underpins the conjecture:

"jo potrebuju sumavu a totalni vykyd tam v ty hospode se srsnema a ozralym venkovanem s chlebem...probrat zivot."

Vocation

Strangely enough, though I still have a year or so to go I often think of leaving Malaysia these days and however distant the thought is, it is very intense and it invariably makes me cry. I don’t want to leave my children, I don’t want to leave the job. I’ve tried out a few things so far and this one makes a great sense to me. Maybe, just maybe... Is this my vocation, something I’m called on to do in my life?

While I was thinking this question over a few more cropped up: Can I work as an English teacher at home or am I bound to stay abroad? What sort of qualification do I need then to stay competitive?

There’s no decision I have to make now, but I need to get prepared.

Believe to understand

Yesterday, the whole crew of teachers boarded a ferry linking the mainland with Penang for a half-day trip to Georgetown. A while after we left the jetty Sylwia asked me why the sea was so colourful. "Maybe it's meant to be beautiful," I replied though I didn't know where the answer came from. "Maybe it's meant to be beautiful and so it must be colourful."

"Seek not to understand so that you may believe, but believe so that you may understand." -- Augustine of Hippo

I love Sylwia's curiosity.

Rolling Stone

I felt I made a few mistakes today. I felt it was a bad day. When I reflected on it, however, I realized I could learn a great deal from it. The mistakes came to me with a message which I can clearly see now. The message in turn gave birth to an idea. I feel grateful.

Every day I feel it’s becoming ever more urgent for me to change. When I started to work here I was practically the only and arguably the most important teacher. I got used to bearing the responsibility as I was involved in virtually every decision. I was exceptionally successful and I feel grateful for that.

However, it’s high time I stepped down. I’m not anymore the only one here and I must therefore not assume the whole responsibility. I must let the others enjoy some space to grow and support them on their quest for greater independence.

I’ve been saying ever since I arrived in Malaysia that I would leave once I reach the climax. For a fleeting while today I thought this might be it. The business in Bukit Mertajam is on the right track and there is not much left to work on. On the other hand, the situation in Alor Star is a far cry from what we enjoy in Bukit Mertajam. So I will probably leave for Alor Star where I’ll have to start nearly from scratch.

In the meantime, of course, I will work on building our team. I by no means intend to shrug off the challenge. No, I helped build something tremendous and I must give it up. I’ll try to help build something new and give it up again when the time is ripe. This power to give up is a miraculous gift which I feel grateful for.

Beautiful People

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Obituary: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (Economist.com)

Barn Owl

Huh, though I had a wonderful dream about Chun, a Thai friend of mine whom I met in Southampton and whom I’m going to see again soon, this morning was tough... The question left me with a feeling of torturing confusion.

I knew I had to turn to my mentor for help. So I did. I knew I had to resort to Alastair’s The Gift Half Understood. So I did. This amazing book on a European journey is something of a spiritual shelter for emotional downpours on my Asian journey. Only a couple of pages were enough to cheer me up:

Crawford drove me to the ferry at Otternish in his open sports car, an extravaganza I greatly enjoyed. Here were two grey-haired fifty-somethings, one quite distinctive in camouflage kit, bowling along in the sun and the wind on a single-track road in the Outer Hebrides at all of thirty-five miles an hour. Past the Scolpaig Tower, and carpets of wild pinks by the Vallay Strand, to where rough grass is growing again on a hill which was gutted to supply the rock for the new causeway to Berneray. On the way a barn owl surprised us by the roadside, its measured flight, soft plumage and heart-shaped face unmistakable in the daylight. Hold on, I thought, barn owls are mainland birds. What's a barn owl doing on a moorland in North Uist? But then I could hardly believe I was there myself!

True, Alastair, that realization is far more than enough.

New Teacher

So at last, on Tuesday we are going down to KL to pick up a new teacher. I might be as much excited about this as she is as it is not going to be a challenge for her only. Clearly, it is going to be a challenge for the whole crew which is taking on board a new member. That is a change to the organization which must respond equally. Without this flexibility we are bound no to reap the potential benefits of the change but the contrary.

While chatting with her a few hours ago she made an intriguing comment as to our roles within the organization as she suggested she could act as a bridge of communication between me and Andy. “Then I would be a pillar,” sprang to mind immediately...

We made this simile in a ligh-hearted tone yet it is just and apt. I believe this is how we perceive our roles and this is how we act upon it.

I am ready to embrace the challenge wholeheartedly, there is something of a worry however. It is my expectations which might be far too high and the tendency to be overprotective when it comes to women and dominant when it comes to men. There is a crucial question cropping up. Do I give other people enough space to grow - to struggle, to fight, to lose and to win the battles for themselves?

Though I don’t know the answer, it puts my mind at peace that it all only means I am still on the right path.