Mock Test

Right. Half way into my work here. Going home for Christmas. I should be over the moon but, as all too often, I'm not. This is going to be a mock test of a sort. One day I will have to give up all I helped build up. It will be hard, but what I may fear even more is the void of transition. The question is why the profound gratitude doesn't help much to conjure up a smile on my face? Isn't it deep enough to fight back the tears of existential fear? Or is it only God who can put a smile on my face?